Ultimate Bus Adventures!

Welp, all of my friends get super excited when I post about the hilarious, ridiculous, almost downright unreal stories from my bus rides. So I decided to compile some of the best ones (so far) in a post!

• One of my first days riding, I got on the bus and walked right into the middle of a huuuuge yelling match between two gentlemen. They were sitting up front on the sideways bench seats facing one another. I'd say they were both in their late 50's, early 60's. I got on the bus in the middle of it, so I'm not sure what the ordeal was, but one man was mumbling angrily under his breath, I guess to the other man about what had been going on, and he progressively got a little louder. And then the other guy hollered at him "Look, no one wants to hear you. Stop talking." The other one shot back "Listen up, punk! I don't like you, Jack!" And this yelling continued for a few minutes. And one finally said "Driver, this man is harassing me! What are you going to do about it?" And the driver said "You both need to shut up!" And they just continued arguing. Eventually one got off the bus, and it all stopped. Everyone was just dead silent watching the whole thing. It was seriously just like two little kids fighting on a school bus!

• That same bus ride, a little bit later, while stopped and letting people get on, there was a lady leaned up against a sign beside the bus. She was in plain view of every single person on the bus, and there were tons of people walking to and from on the sidewalk around her. And she starts just digging in her nose like crazy. Just going for the gold like no one was around. And a bunch of people from the back started mumbling about it and going on about how gross it was and such. And theeeen, she ate it. And all hell broke loose! Everyone started yelling and ewww-ing And some guy yelled "Are you serious? She just ate it!" And I couldn't control myself because I have what my mom calls gigglebox syndrome, and I busted out laughing and couldn't stop. And that leads to my next story.

• Me laughing apparently freaked out a little old Asian fellow sitting in front of me, because he turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and got up and moved to the seat a row behind me and on the other side. I don't think he knew what was going on or why I laughed. So I thought he hated my guts or thought I was rude or something. Which made me feel so bad, but I just couldn't help it. Everyone was acting like little kids and ewww-ing, and I lost it. So I felt really bad, thinking I had made him mad or he thought I was a jerk. But within a few minutes he randomly leaned up to me as I was standing up to get off the bus and said "You have nice tattoo. How long you make it? One hundred dollar?" And he had a huuuge grin on his face. Ha! So I was just really polite and said yes and smiled at him and told him to have a good day. That was all during one stinkin' bus ride!

• One day something super cute happened before I even got to the bus! I pass a church on my way to my stop, and they have a daycare. And on nice days, the kids are out in the little fenced in playground right by the sidewalk. Well, as I'm walking, I hear this little girl yell "Hiiii!" really loud and see her waving like crazy. So I yelled "Hiiii!" back at her and waved a bunch too. And then she yelled it again, so I yelled it back. And again, and again! And we did that the entire time I walked by. And then she yelled "Byeeeee!", and I yelled "Byeeeee!" And we did that back and forth and waved until we couldn't hear each other anymore. It put me in the best mood.

• Another day, a little old lady got on the bus and sat down up front. And within a few minutes, she started randomly talking to everyone in the front area. Not to the people specifically, but just out loud. And I couldn't really understand her too well, but I am almost positive half of it was in English and half of it was in Japanese. And I heard her say "Bill Clinton" at least three times. She continued to ramble and yell to the whole front of the bus, nonstop. No one was responding or talking back to her or anything. She just went on and on for at least 15 to 20 minutes. No one knew what was going on, so they would all just kind of look at each other like whaaaat. When she finally got off the bus, a bunch of people were like "What in the woooorld? Did you know her? Was she talking to you?" But no one knew what the deal was, and everyone just started laughing so hard.

• There's a couple that is always on the bus in the mornings, and they have a baby. And the poor husband is always having to hold the baby, and wrestle with the big stroller, and hold all of the bags and stuff they carry. And the woman is seriously always, alwaaaays passed out. And not just like still sleepy from just waking up kinda drowsy. It's 10:30am, and she is OUT. Well, they weren't able to sit together because the bus was so crowded, so he had everything in his arms, baby, stroller, and bags, and she was knocked out on the bench across from him. He was sitting next to a lady who normally has her baby with her too, but she was alone that day. Well they were kind of talking and laughing back and forth, and I guess this didn't make the wife across from him all that happy (when she would wake up and take notice here and there). So whenever the person next to her got off the bus, she immediately snapped at him that he should move over there with her. So he lugged everything over to her seat, and she passed back out. Well he couldn't hold everything this time, and the baby started slipping, so he asked her to hold something. And she woke up, grabbed the baby, and then started nodding back off. Shortly after that, everything fell over, and I helped him pick up some of the stuff that fell out of his bag and set it upright. And when the bus got near their stop, the wife did the I-just-fell-asleep-and-jerked-back-awake jump and almost dropped the dang baby! Then she angrily stood up and made him carry everything off the bus. I felt so bad for the guy for having to deal with all that mess. Geez Louise!

• A few days ago, the bus was super crazy crowded, and it took a few stops for there to be any seats. So once a few seats became available, I sat down on a front bench seat, right next to the little partition that separates them from the regular seats. There wasn't really enough room for another person, but the person on the other side of me had a bunch of bags and stuff, so she took up a little more room. Well, a man got on the bus, and bless his heart, he didn't have enough shirt to cover his belly. So the whole bottom of his stomach was completely exposed, and once he turned around, I could see that his whole bottom was falling out of his sweatpants. And he decided there was enough room for him between me and that partition, and there clearly was not. So he squeezed in between me and the wall, and his nekkid belly just kinda rested on my arm. And then I got a big ol' whiff of him. And it was very, very... not good. I didn't say a word. I am way too polite to eeeever make someone uncomfy. But I know anyone else in that situation would have been super not happy or would have been rude, so it's a good thing he sat beside me instead of someone else. I just made light of it and pretended to be really into words with friends. Then we he got up to get off of the bus, he grabbed the rail to pull himself up, and his whole butt was just right smack in my face. It was just unreal how funny the whole situation was.

• Not only are there always silly people on the bus, but I also have really crappy bus luck, too! One day I got to the stop to go home. My bus normally comes right around 6:05 every day. And it was running on time according to the little bus app I checked right before I went downstairs into the tunnel. After a good 20 to 25 minutes of waiting, my bus still hadn't shown up. I even got there early, so I knew I hadn't missed it. I can't get reception down in the tunnel, so I was a little paranoid that maybe I wasn't paying attention and it had already come and gone, and Matt was possibly trying to text me to find out where I was. So I ran upstairs, still within eyeshot of the bus (I thought) to call him. He told me it still hadn't come for him either, so I hadn't missed it. So I ran back downstairs and waited for another good 10 minutes and got a little nervous again. He had told me before that I could hop on a different bus and ride it to his stop and we could wait together. So I figured that might be a better idea so I wouldn't be alone. So I rode a different bus to his stop, hopped off, walked around, and I didn't see him anywhere. And since I wasn't in the tunnel anymore, my phone buzzed to let me know I had gotten a text at some point during my ride. It was from Matt and it said "You missed the bus when you were calling me!" Are you stinkin' kidding me? So I ran back to the bus right before the doors closed and jumped back on. He told me to just stay on that one since our bus wouldn't be coming again. So I had to ride it to the mall, walk to the mall, and wait for him to get home, pick up the car, and come pick me up. It was the so ridiculous! In the less than a minute that I ran upstairs, that's when the dumb bus came. Hrmph.

• Another day, I hopped on that same bus to go ahead and ride up to Matt's stop, which I've been doing pretty regularly now. (It's just better to wait with him instead of waiting alone. And I don't ever have to worry that I might get left again!) Well, the buses have been packed pretty tightly lately with the viaduct being knocked down and more people using them, so some busses fill up and can't take on more people at stops. But the drivers at least stop and let the people know that there's another one however many blocks behind them or another time that one comes. Well, apparently this driver either didn't know to do that or didn't care to. When the bus got to Matt's stop, myself and a few other people stood up at the door, waiting for it to open. The driver stops the bus. We wait for the door to open so we can hop off. The door never opens, and he drives off! A lot of people started yelling, and he just kept going and hopped on the interstate. So I ended up having to ride it to the dumb mall again! No idea what his deal was, but he apparently was like "Ehh, well, peace guys! Vroom vroom."

I know some people hate riding the bus, and I thought I would be one of them, but I seriously love all the silliness that happens. My life has become one big, silly sitcom these days.